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Uncomfortable Closeness

Posted on March 23, 2007
Filed Under The Stories |

She wanted to know what he thought of when he got all quiet like that. She said it felt like a chill had descended over the room. She told him she didn’t like it. She told him it made her feel like she was alone even though there was another person in the room. She made it seem like he’d done something bad when in truth he’d simply allowed himself to become comfortable.

It was a thing with him; he remained completely focused on a task when it was new and unfamiliar. Like driving. He was really nervous about getting behind the wheel of a motor vehicle, something about not being certain that he could actually tame and steer a beast so much bigger and heavier than he. So he paid attention to the rules and best practices and almost before he’d realised it he could handle wide open highways or narrow lanes with erratic foot traffic with equal ease.

He enjoyed the highways the most because it meant that he was free to cruise, allowing that portion of his mind that indulged in fantasy and creativity to roam free. He’d had some wild ideas while on the road. Having those ideas made him wonder why people needed drugs. It occurred to him that maybe they didn’t have cars. He dismissed the idea as stupid but it still made him wonder how much more creative a person could get under the influence.

He had been uncomfortable around her for most of the two years they were dating and the first fifteen months of their marriage. Which led to him being supremely attentive towards her. She loved that about him and found it completely different from every other man she had dated. And she had dated a few.

Her name was Kirti and there was something about her that drew men in like the proverbial moths to the flame. She wasn’t a scorcher in the looks department but she had this need to have men like her that manifested in her drawing attention to herself at every opportunity she got.

She lost her virginity at seventeen to the boy next door who just happened to be an American exchange student. It was exciting, like being made love to by one of those cute boys from all the American movies she watched on video, when she got together with her girlfriends. Nobody ever found out about her sexual escapades or even thought to ask, especially since she always seemed so knowledgeable about the act. When she finally confessed that she was active to one of her friends she made it appear that the guy she was currently dating was her first and that she hadn’t had a choice in the matter since it was sex or the end of their relationship.

He didn’t know all these things about her. He wasn’t sure if she was a virgin or not when they started dating and he didn’t know if he should ask. He didn’t really care. He hadn’t been very experienced when they started going out and he was just relieved that she didn’t seem to have a problem with that.

Kirti didn’t exactly love the sex act. Not with the inexperienced guys who fumbled and bungled it all and not with the more experienced foreign guys who knew what they were doing and could be extremely narcissistic about the whole thing. She never achieved orgasm with any of them. Any pleasure she actually received was always self-administered and she would never be thinking of the guy she was currently with while going through the motions of getting herself off.

That was what had surprised her about Amar. He didn’t seem to know what he was doing until they were undressed and under the sheets. His accessing her special place came as a complete shock to her and she had been completely unprepared for the wave of emotions that coursed over her as he did his thing down there. It was what had sealed the deal for her in a way that all the presents the other guys had showered upon her hadn’t been able to.

See Kirti always dated the type of guy who spoiled her with presents of the expensive and brand name variety. If they didn’t honour that end of the bargain she simply didn’t feel the need to make an effort with any of them. So when she found a guy who could buy her the things she craved while simultaneously providing her a type of sexual relief she had never previously experienced she was damned if she was going to let him go.

For his part, Amar was so surprised to have got a girl like her to stay with him that he worked extra hard to ensure that he did right by her. It seemed to be working out fine for both of them, which was why his newfound distraction was causing her untold grief.

She was certain he was cheating on her. He was unsure of how to explain his need to float away on an idea could once in a while. So they would lie next to each other at night, unable to sleep and also unable to clarify their individual positions.

When this had happened for a few weeks straight, Amar began to feel uncomfortable around Kirti again so consequentially he began to pay more attention to her. In her urgency to discard the worry that she was certain would give her frown lines and grey hair she didn’t bother to investigate why her husband was attentive again. She was just glad that everything was right with her world again.

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