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Taketh Away

Posted on February 23, 2007
Filed Under The Stories |

He got fired while waiting in line. At the bakery, not for a Star Wars or Pirates of the Caribbean movie. The latter might have been fine but the former was just not done. The boss wanted his bagels from the organic bakery sixteen blocks away from the office. He had chosen to take his business to the whole grains bakery six minutes walking time from the main door of the medium-sized ad agency he worked at. For a person employed by the advertising industry he wasn’t much of a liar so he wasn’t automatically programmed to utter falsehoods every time he opened his mouth. Which is why, because he was staring at the very impressive buttocks of the neo-Goth with black fingernails and what looked like a molten safety pin in her right ear when his boss called, he neglected to lie about where he was.

He could imagine the spittle that had flown all over his boss’s mobile phone and his nearby desk when the yelling began. The high volume squawking through his phone had finally caught the girl’s attention in a way that his staring eyes didn’t seem to. It’s probably because of how nicely padded she was down there, insulation for the nerves in her heinie. A good thing probably, because she probably got ogled for her booty quite a bit. He allowed himself a wry smile and held the phone away from his ear. When she reciprocated with a smile of her own he held the phone towards her so that she could hear what the overbearing ass who was allowed to lord over them at work sounded like. Which is why, she heard it before he did and the smile left her face and she looked at him with wide open kohl-lined eyes and said, “oh shit.”

That dislodged his complacent smile and he looked from her to the phone and then held it to his ear, “what?”

With great pleasure his boss bellowed again, “you’re fired!”

“What for lining up to buy whole grain instead of organic?”

“For not being able to take orders Radcliffe. Have your desk cleared within the next hour. I’m changing the combination on the door in fifty nine minutes and forty five seconds.”

“Fuck.”

“You okay?” It was the neo-Goth with the arse, and she looked concerned. She had her hand out to him, not quite touching, more healing from a distance. She had the fullest lips he had ever seen and a part of his brain seemed to realize that it was weird that he was noticing a woman’s lips just after being fired for trying to buy the wrong bagels.

“Would you like me to go with you?”

“Cheers, I think I will be fine.”

He left his place in the line and hurried to cover the six minute distance in five. Without his having realized it, she was following him. He punched in the numbers that unlocked the door in a daze. He floated between the desks that led to his little cubicle in the back in a daze. He didn’t notice the thin-lipped glare the boss was favouring him with. He simply opened up his desk drawer and began rummaging through its contents. He did however jump slightly when the boss spoke, almost at his elbow, “who’s she?”

He had no idea what the boss was talking about so he turned around and looked directly into the eyes of the neo-Goth.

“Erm…she’s…”

“I’m here to help him clear his desk.”

“Didn’t think you could afford a maid service Radcliffe.”

He looked at the boss. She looked at the boss. Something in that duet of eyes on his jowly visage made it clear to the boss that another insult might well be his last. He tossed an envelope on the desk, “your final pay cheque Radcliffe. Make it count. You won’t be getting a recommendation letter from us.”

Five minutes later he had the detritus of sixteen months on the job in a small cardboard box under his arm, and the cracked pavement under his feet on an unusually sunny day.

“Y’know,” she started, “you’ve got a really nice arse.”

“I beg your pardon!”

“What! Don’t pretend you weren’t checking me out in the bakery.”

He started to make the face that preceded the denial but she stopped him short, “no really don’t. I don’t mind. I quite like it actually. Making a good impression as I’m walking away is important to me. And I don’t take it for granted either. Two hundred lunges mate, every single day. If you were small enough you could use it as a trampoline. What about you?”

“What about me?”

“How do you keep yours in shape?”

“What my arse? I just use it for sitting actually. Sorry.”

“Really? Must be good genetics then. Y’know what I just thought of? If we had a child that kid would have the nicest arse in all the land.”

“I don’t even know your name yet.”

“Oh it’s Megan and who are you?”

“Colin.”

“Hello Colin. Have you had breakfast?”

“No. Was too busy being fired actually.”

“Okay, let’s go. My treat. And you can tell me all about your boss, ex-boss now, so that I can sort him out for you.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m going to let you in on a secret Colin. Because you were so unwavering in your appreciation of my arse…”

“Okay…”

“Have you ever heard of Corinna’s Stud Farm?”

“The strip joint in Westmore?”

“It’s not a strip joint Colin. It’s high end entertainment for a discerning and discrete clientele.”

“Okay. What about it?”

“Yeah, I’m Corinna.”

“I thought you said your name was Megan.”

“It is but I’m Corinna. And that is my stud farm.”

“Wow. A business woman. Impressive. I think I’ll take a muffin with my coffee, since you’re paying and all.”

“Have you ever considered dancing Colin?”

“Not on the mornings I get fired, no.”

“I meant professionally.”

“What like ballroom?”

“More like exotic actually.”

“Are you offering me a job.”

She smiled slyly, “not yet. Right now I’m offering you employment. A ‘job’? Now that depends.”

“Are you flirting with me?”

She smiled and pushed the door open, leaning on it for just a second with a happy smile on her face before stepping into the inviting aroma of baked goods and coffee. She looked over her shoulder and caught him checking out her arse again. When he realised she’d seen him he managed a smile, “do you know how inappropriate it is, to be flirting with a man who’s just lost his job?”

“Have I happened to mention that I’m a superhero today Colin?”

“Not to my recollection, no.”

“Well I am. Vanquisher of evil too.”

“Really?”

“So…muffin?”

“Yes sugar plum?”

“With your coffee smart arse?”

“Yes please.”

They took their breakfast to a window table for two. She smiled at him and stole the raisin off the top of his muffin, “remember how I said that Corinna’s was discrete?”

“Sure.”

“Yes well, we’re so discrete that most people don’t even know who Corinna is.”

“Okay. Must be useful when those activistic men are picketing outside your front door about how sexist it is that their brothers are treated like pieces of meat.”

“Nicely done. Now pay attention. This is where the vanquishing of evildoers comes in.”

“All ears.”

“David is a client of ours. And I happen to have several pictures of our friend David with the specific dancer he favours whenever he frequents our fine establishment. A beautiful boy named Tony with the clearest skin this side of a TV commercial.”

“Sorry, who’s David?”

She narrowed her eyes for just a moment, looking like a mildly irritated pedigree cat.

“Your ex boss…?”

“Oh right. Wait, what? He’s married.”

“Not just to his work apparently.”

“Oh my God.”

“You know what they say Colin, the Lord giveth and he taketh away.”

“He’s always so butch…”

“So I’m going to send over a selection of our finest glossies to David’s home by express messenger when we’re done with breakfast. And after that we can discuss your dancing career and anything else that might come up…?”

He just looked at her for a moment, noting the similarity to a feline yet again. Only now, the feline was looking very pleased with herself.

“Can I kiss you now?”

She closed her eyes and leaned forward. So he did.

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